A New Ending to Secret Window, VERY FUNNY!
by AnAngelofShadows
Summary: Mort and his alter ego decide that its time for the screwdriver to come out and be used again......but alter ego and mort seem to have some probs along the way, one's dumb, and one is smart,(chapter 4 is weird, but don't worry things get better)R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Secret Window A revised Ending  
  
NOTE: These characters aren't mine......( I wish Johnny Depp was though FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T LIKE BLOODDON'T READ THIS!  
  
(Mort Rainey is seen eating his corn, as it was at the last 5 seconds of the film)  
  
Mort: Officer, you really should try this, it is very good, I used good fertilizer in my crops......  
  
Officer (aka the really cool old guy who's a police officer): Rainey, when I find the bodies, I'll put you away for a long time......  
  
Mort's alter ego: (talking to the "other" Mort) Kill him....(takes a bite of corn) Mmmmmm good shit! Hey this is the corn I planted......with my wife in it!?!?!?!? You're eating it?!?!?!?! Ewww.......and it's getting stuck in our braces.......oh, never mind...kill the friken guy would ya!  
  
Mort: (to alter ego) I'm not dumb...when they find out he's gone...they're gonna come here ya know!  
  
Alter ego: DUMP THE BODY DUMB ASS!!!!!! Wow.....your really slow......but that's ok.......i forgive you....one of us had to be the retard....and it had to be you....  
  
Mort: Well.....shit I have to have comeback.....oh wait I got one...I have better teeth than you! Hehehehe  
  
Alter ego: What ever! Kill the guy already would you?  
  
Mort: Yeah, I guess I should........wait...gotta get my super sexy hat!  
  
Alter ego: omg......wow.....what a jack ass.....  
  
Mort: Officer, excuse me, I need to get somin, I'll be right back....then we can talk....  
  
Officer: Ok.....but I'm watchin you...  
  
10 MIN LATER...MORT HAD TRANSFORMED INTO SHOOTER....CREEEPY  
  
Mort: Sit'own oficcar.... You wa'ned to talk to me?(under his chair he's grabbin the oh so popular murder weapon....another screwdriver)  
  
Officer: Yeah........we suspect you killed all them men.....and we're searchin everyhere...so confess  
  
Mort: I', sorry, but I can't do that....  
  
HE THE PULLS OUT HIS SCREWDRIVER, AND SHOVES IT INTO HIS HEAD.....JUST LIKE THE OTHER OLD GUY HE KILLED  
  
Officer: (SCREAMING)  
  
MORT IS SEEN PUTTING HIM OVER THE CLIFF.....AND THEN TALKING TO HIS ALTER EGO  
  
Alter Ego: Good job....but I have a question......why the screwdriver.....that's MY weapon....  
  
Mort: I like it....it's so shiny....i cleaned it....i didn't want anyone to get infections...  
  
Alter ego: Wow, THEY'RE DEAD!!!!! ...I give up, your just a dumb ass....  
  
Mort: Oh yeah!!!! So you mean I spent 3 hours gettin blood of this thing for nothing!?!?!?!?  
  
Alter Ego: Yes......  
  
Mort: WoW. I am dumb! 


	2. Shit

Secret Window Chptr. 2..... Shit  
  
Mort: Ahh.....the deed is done! Hehehe I like spongebob....  
  
Alter Ego: Wow...ok, now we must go into town, and kill everyone else, savvy?  
  
Mort: And to what point or purpose?  
  
Alter Ego: OK we can stop with the lines from Pirates, and to your question, we need to get rid of everyone so we can rule the WORLD!!!! HAHAHAHA...just kiddin  
  
Mort: (jaw drops, and in a giggle says) And u think IM the dumb one....ha ha ha ha .....wow.....i actually feel smart now!  
  
Alter Ego: Fine, then what do you suggest we do...DUMBASS  
  
Mort: TAKE THAT BACK!  
  
Alter Ego: Make me.....DUMBASS  
  
Mort: Fine....i will....somehow...  
  
(Mort takes out his screwdriver, and being the stupid one, starts fighting with his alter ego, which is still...himself......)  
  
Mort: Owwww.....stop hurting me!  
  
Alter Ego: IM NOT! You are hurting US......DUMBASS!  
  
Mort: SHITMY EYE!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: Put down the screwdriver, AND STOP REPEATING OR OVER EXADRATTING OLD MOVIE LINES!!!! ( the movie ironic ness in that line was..MY EYES.......Once upon a time in mexico,,,,)  
  
Mort: HAHAHA! Make ME!  
  
Alter Ego: ..ok..fine....i will......  
  
(Alter Ego Mort throws himself over a cliff with himself...aka...Mort)  
  
DOWN THE RIVER 3 DAYS LATER, ON A ROCK...  
  
Alter Ego: I'm stuck in the wilderness, with my dumbass alter ego, with nothing to eat but some dried out corn, and some bear shit I found....I'm screwed...  
  
Mort: Hey, what's this brown stuff? It's good!  
  
Alter Ego: shit..............(in head, to himself) He's putting that into our mouth...  
  
Mort: I asked you a question.......pal (nudging ALTER EGO, well, himself..)  
  
Alter Ego: And I answered it..  
  
Mort: ohh  
  
(MORT SPITS OUT HIS....SHIT......)  
  
Alter Ego: Well, this is dandy, just dandy, while your stuffing OUR mouth with shit, I'm cold, alone, and need to piss......  
  
Mort: The world is you potty, go.....be...free......  
  
Alter Ego: ...riggghhhtt......you friken weird dude.... 


	3. DO YOU GET IT?

Secret Window Chapter 3 The Wilderness suxs  
  
WE FIND OUR PSYCHO FRIENDS OUT IN THE WILDERNESS....ALONE, HUNGRY, AND THEY HAVE TO PISS.....  
  
Mort: I wish I would have brought my bathing suit, I would have gone swimming......  
  
Alter Ego: (carving lines into a rock) SHUT UP! I'm trying to leave a message in the rock so that years from now people will know how stupid you are, and they will tell my sad story for years to come.  
  
Mort: Wow, that's deep my alter ego friend, but I really don't care.....i just want food....  
  
Alter Ego: Well, you ate all the shit, so that's gone, and our corn is gone, so lets try to get some food, and maybe build a shelter.  
  
Mort: Cool! I'm excited! I feel like Lewis and Clark, except they where 2 different people, your just a figment of my imagination..  
  
Alter Ego: NOOOO, I'm real, you're fake...  
  
Mort: Noooo......  
  
Alter Ego: Yessss......oh what ever.....We need food, and a pace to sleep..  
  
And so began the psycho's adventure, when a man who has gone nuts and tries to live for himself, it ain't pretty.....  
  
Mort: OK, we have to get off our rock I guess....  
  
Alter Ego: Yaa...that would definitely be a start...  
  
Mort: OK...err....lets build a raft! See! I am smart!  
  
Alter Ego: Out of what oh smart one? (bowing)  
  
Mort: Oh...right....ok...I guess we'll have to swim..  
  
Alter Ego: Good observation Einstein! I say, you really are the smartest dumbass I've ever seen!  
  
Mort: Thanks! Wait! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....  
  
Alter Ego: Wow...ok....on the count of three, JUMP! 1 2 3 JUMP!!!!!  
  
AND THEN BEGAN THE SWIM, A PERILOUS ADVENTURE THROUGH TREACHEROUS WATERS, THAT WAS KNEE DEEP....  
  
Mort: Keep swimming! We have a long way to go!  
  
Alter Ego: Well, it looks to me tat we are almost there..... Mort: No...that's just lannnn.........ohhhhh land....right...I get it...  
  
Alter Ego: Life must be really be hard for you...I feel bad, I've been a let down on my alter geo duties, which are to at least keep His alter ego sane, and with it, but it seems to me you lost it a long time ago....I'm sorry my friend, but you need help...  
  
Mort: Sorry what was that, I was gettin' somin' out of my teeth....  
  
Alter Ego: We officially aren't related...and will have no contact for the remainder of the time that we are out here....  
  
Mort: I don't understand big words, but I think I follow your drift dude, I think you said that we aren't friends anymore, and that's hurts me....*sniff* I think I'm gonna cry...I am now...brainily damaged.....wahhhhhhh!  
  
Alter Ego: Would you like to draw attention to all the living creatures in the world?  
  
Mort: You hurt my feelings! And yes, even though I killed my wife, and her husband, and my friends, and the sheriff, and the dog, I STILL HAVE FEELINGS!  
  
Alter ego: Yeaaahhh, I bet ya do...  
  
Mort: Hmmppfff.....Fine, be that way,,TURD!!!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: Oooohhhh, you called me a turd, I'm scared! Mort: I still have that screwdriver buddy, so watch out!  
  
Alter Ego: Sit down friend, we need to talk before we go any further. Now listen, I know it's hard for you, but listen, You, as in YOU, and I as in ME, are the SAME person, do you understand? What you do to me, you do to yourself!  
  
Mort: Ohhhh  
  
Alter Ego: We have a very long way to go.... 


	4. wow, what a dumbass

Secret Window Chapter 4 Errr....what is that.....?  
  
WE FIND OUR HOTTIES LOST, AND ALTER EGO HAS JUST EXPLAINED THE WHOLE ALTER EGO THING TO MORT, AND IT HAD JUST OCCURRED TO HIM THAT YES, THEY ARE SCREWED, AND YES, THEY HAVE A VERY VERY LONG WAY TO GO.......  
  
Alter Ego: OK, shelter, let's get some braches and leaves and more sticks for fire...  
  
Mort: Ok, I think I can do that, but one question, where will I find branches? It's not like we're in a forest (lookin around) ...I mean, never mind...  
  
Alter Ego: MORT FRIKEN RAINEY! I KNOW THAT SOMEWHERE INSIDE YOUR HEAD, UNDER THAT MESS OF HAIR, THAT THERE IS, YES, IS, A BRAIN! FRIKEN USE IT! PLEASE! FOR THE SAKE OF OUR LIVES DAMMIT!  
  
Mort: *sniff* *sniff* I'm sorry, please forgive me......I didn't mean to be stupid, I just is, I mean am..!  
  
Alter Ego: I think your getting dumber and dumber each second....  
  
Mort: STOP IT! You're so mean! I think I'm gonna have to hurt you!  
  
Alter Ego: (breathing hard, no hyperventilating) We have gone over this more than once...(gritting his teeth, and trying to hold in his anger) you hurt me, you hurt yourself...o? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!?! HAVEN'T YOU EVER WONDERED WHY WE LOOK THE SAME?  
  
Mort: OMG! WE'RE THE SAME PERSON?!?!?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU EVER TOLD ME! OMg omg omg omg omg, wow, that's some serious shit!  
  
Alter Ego: OK THAT'S IT! I HAVE TOLD YOU OVER A MILLION TIMES! THIS IS IT, WE ARE SPLITTIN UP...DUMBASS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Mort: FINE! You'll be nothing without me! I'm the smart one! Hahahahaha!  
  
Alter Ego: Ok, you think that, but from now on, we are no longer related, and you are the dumbass, and I am Einstein, and will be the ruler of the world, and you my little idiot friend, can kiss my ass, yes you heard me, you can kiss my big ol' round ass!  
  
Mort: I have a comeback to that! It would take for ever to kiss because you ass is so big!  
  
Alter Ego: HEY! GUESS WHAT! WE ARE THE SAME PERSON!! HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Mort: WHAT EVER!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: Well, I got a shelter to build, so bye, FOREveR!  
  
Mort: OK, fine! Be that way, but I have a screwdriver, and I'll get ya!  
  
Alter Ego: (under his breath) Just don't say anything, breath, in 2-3, out 2-3....  
  
Mort: SO long!  
  
AND SO THEY SPLIT, EACH ONE GOING IN AN OPPOSTIE DIRECTION, BUT WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW IS THAT THEY WILL EVENTUALLY MEET UP IN THE MOST UNLIKLEY PLACE ......VEGAS....LAS VEGAS.... 


	5. The odd chapter

Secret Window Chapter 5 Vegas=Trouble  
  
*****ATTENTION: THIS IS ONE OF THE MORE CONFUSING CHAPTERS.....SO DON'T STOP READING BECAUSE IT GETS BETTER!*****  
  
WE SEE OUR FRIENDS WALKING, NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE GOING, THEY ARE WALKING, SO LET'S SEE WHAT THEY ARE THINKING, SHALL WE?  
  
Mort: If my altin ago (note from the author, I know how to spell, but mort doesn't know how to pronunciate) wants to be that way, fine! He needs me more than I need him, because, well I don't know!, but I'm better.  
  
(Close by)  
  
Alter Ego: The little F*****, I'M THE BRAINS! I mean, I planned it all, I was man, it was all me! But noooo, Mr. Retard thinks he is, and what sucks is that he's real, but wait! He doesn't get it! GRRR  
  
AFTR DAYS OF TRAVELING, THEY BOTH IRONICLY STUMBLE INTO LAS VEGAS, WEIRD.  
  
Mort: Ahh, what a nice day! I'm free! I think I'll get a drink.  
  
MORT HAPPENS TO STUMBLE ON THE SAME HOTEL AS IN FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, AND DECIDES TO VISIT THE BAR, BUT WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT HIS LATER EGO ALSO FOUND THE BAR......SHIT.  
  
(2 DAYS EARLIER W/ ALTER EGO)  
  
Alter Ego: Vegas! Bright Lights! Gambling! Ahhh! OOOOH! I think I shall stay at this nice hotel! Wait a tick, I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE! Odd, but who cares! I'm free from the little shit head! HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
(2 DAYS LATER, AT THE Bar)  
  
Mort: Yes, I shall get a drink! (he looks around to find a seat) OMG! Altir AGO!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: WILL THIS NIGHTMARE EVER END!?!?!?! NOOOO! DEAR GOD, WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?  
  
Mort:' THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING, I'M DREAMING. Waiter, give me a drink, no wait, 10 drinks, ahhhhh!  
  
THEY SIT THERE, FOR ABOUT 2 HOURS, DRINKING.  
  
Mort: (who is very drunk, and sitting next to alter ego, and who is obviously seeing things...) I am right in to middle of a f****** reptile zoo, and they are all going to tear us to shreads! (Note from the author: this particular line is from fear and loathing in Las Vegas)  
  
Alter Ego: Why is the rum gone!! (sceaming to the waiter) OMG! Now we are both saying lines from our movies! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm going mad!  
  
HOURS LATER: (in the desert)  
  
Mort: Where am I? (thinking for a second) Ow, my brain hurts, no wonder I don't do that a lot. Hmmmm, I remember alligators, and drinks, and lights, so what am I doing out here in the friken desert?  
  
Alter Ego: (who is sitting next to him, eating what appears to be a lump of sand, and looks like he may be suffering from a psychotic disorder) We are out in the sun! YAH! I think I shall go swimming! (we see him swimming, in the sand, naked, odd)  
  
Mort: OK....and errr...you called ME the dumbass?  
  
Alter Ego: It's fun! Come here, and I'll show you!  
  
ALTER EGO PULLS OUT A KNIFE, AND PUTS IT UP TO MORT'S NECK  
  
Alter Ego: I'm gonna kill you Rainey, I'm drawin the line here ass hole, this is it!  
  
Mort: OK, for once in my life I remember something, WE ARE THE SAME PERSON! HAHAHAHAHA I REMEMBERED! Who's the jackass now Mr. Oh I'm sooo smart?  
  
Alter Ego: Shit. OK, Let's start walking back to Vegas.  
  
Mort: How did we get here? Alter Ego: Long story, I'll tell ya on our walk....  
  
AND SO THEY WALKED, ALL THE WAY TO VEGAS, WELL, SORDA..... 


	6. Sand, lots of sand

Secret Window Chapter 6 Can I have a glass of sand, and some baked sand a la gritty? Thank you.  
  
SAND. LOT'S OF SAND. YES, THIS IS WHERE WE FIND THEM, IN THE SAND....YES, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, "EWWW....WHAT ARE THEY DOIN?" NO NEED TO THINK PERVERTED THOUGHTS, BECAUSE ALTER EGO IS JUST GOING TO EXPLANE HOW THEY GTO TO WHERE THEY ARE....  
  
Alter Ego: Well to begin with, we were drunk, very drunk...and you had to pee.....so while at the bar, you being the dumbass that you are, decided that instead of walking to the bathroom which was 5 feet away, you had to pee on the bar. Yes, you stood up on the bar, let go.....well, of course I was trying to get you down, but nope, too late, the police came! Yes, the bloody friken police! They made up their minds to take us to jail! FUN! So, I decided to escape, and I did! I dragged you along to of course. I hired a guy to drive us away, but he droppd us off here and zoomed away. This is all because of you. Thank you dumbass.....you are the weakest link...goodbye!  
  
ALTER EGO WALKED OFF  
  
Mort: Wait! Come Back! This could be good! We can bond, and figure out our differences!  
  
Alter Ego: I don't know if has sunken into your head yet or not....BUT I REALLY DISLIKE YOU RIGHT NOW! Mort: Oh come on! Everyone has to piss sometimes!  
  
Alter Ego: You stood on the bar, and pissed, all the hot girls saw you, the bartender was disgusted, and the police saw you.....good plan! (giving him the thumbs up with an over exaggerated grin)  
  
Mort: Well, ok I made a booboo, but we are gonna need the company to keep us sane out here in the wild.  
  
Alter Ego: For your information, you already are Insane, so you are no help for me.  
  
Mort: But I'm funny! You need the humor!  
  
Alter Ego: No, I think I'll be quite all right pissy boy.....  
  
Mort: Well.....errr....uuuuu....im not leaving you.....i admit it, I'm too scared....  
  
Alter Ego: Fine, you can stay, but you have to shut up, and walk, understand?  
  
Mort: Ay-Ay captain!  
  
Alter Ego: Damn.  
  
WALKING......WALKING...STOP! YES, THEY STOPPED, WHY? LET'S FIND OUT!  
  
Mort: I see a restaurant out there!  
  
Alter Ego: It's an illusion, the sun has gotten to you, well, actually you where just born stupid....  
  
Mort: No, look! I'm gonna run to it!  
  
Alter Ego: You do that, oh and order me a glass of sand some baked sand a la gritty?  
  
Mort: Very funny. I'll see ya later!  
  
WELL, MORT RAN AND RAN, AND RAN SOME MORE.....WHAT A DUMBASS......  
  
Mort: (sitting in the sand) Well, I'll never live that down.  
  
Alter Ego: HAHAHAHA you'll never live that down!  
  
Mort: I saw it..i swear!  
  
Alter Ego: Say this with me....ILLUSION! I-L-L-U-S-I-O-N.  
  
Mort: Shut up.....I'm hungry...  
  
Alter Ego: well, let's go to your imaginary restaurant!  
  
Mort: Grrrrrr...............  
  
WELL, THEY HAVE TO FIND FOOD NOW....AND SHELTER. WHAT WILL THEY DO? 


	7. I have to piss, oh and can i eat you?

Secret Window Chapter 7 Food, yummy! Oh, I also have to piss.....  
  
*****DISCLAIMER: READERS.....I'M BEEN HAVING A BIT OF A "WRITERS BLOCK" LOL....BUT THIS ISN'T THE BEST CHAPTER...BUT I PROMISE I HAVE IDEAS FOR THE UPCOMING! SO KEEP READING! THANX! ME  
  
YES, PEEING, GODS GIFT......WELL, ONE OF MANY, AS IS THE INSTINCT TO EAT AND FIND FOOD, WELL IT COULD BE COMPLICATED IF ONE OF THE PEOPLE TRYING TO FIND FOOD WAS NOT REALLY REAL...SHIT....  
  
Mort: GOSH! I'm sooo hungry!  
  
Alter Ego: NO WAY!?!?!?! Really? I would have never thought of that!  
  
Mort: No need to be a smarty ass, or smart ass, what ever, I need food!!!! And a decent toilet would be nice...  
  
Alter Ego: Yes, I also need to piss........hmmm, that could be a problem, well we're both the same anyway, so just fling it out and piss, I think that'll be OK...  
  
Mort: (disgusted) Ya, ok lets just go streaking shall we? If you were relation, maybe I would, but WE"RE NOT!....oh wait, never mind!  
  
Alter Ego: Yes, here comes your good friend....Mr. F-ing Stupid.  
  
(WOW, OK NOW THAT WE ARE PAST THAT, HE PEE'S YAH, WE'RE ALL HAPPY)  
  
Alter Ego: OK, we've peed, so what about something to eat? To bad your restaurant is closed, hehehehehe.  
  
Mort: Screw you..........  
  
Alter Ego: No thanks, I think I'll wait screwing somebody until I meet a French Lady that all my other admirers will hate and loathe and want to kill....yes, that sounds good......though I may have to kill her too.....hmmm......stress sucks ass.....  
  
Mort: I'm gonna marry this person I met at that bar, or at least I think it was a person, maybe it was the chair, I dunno, I proposed to something.........ok moving on...(acting smart....keyword *acting* )i see lots of sand.....and no food, sand and no food, sand.....no food.....hmmm, I'm seeing a pattern  
  
Alter Ego: GOOD JOB! You put the clues together! (IN a baby voice) What a good little jackass! We need to walk, and maybe get to a city, cause I don't wanna die out here, alone, with you....i'm gonna blow chunks at that thought..........BLUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Mort: YAH!!!! FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: DON'T EAT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He eats it) Too late.......  
  
Mort: What was that??????  
  
Alter Ego: Nothin.....  
  
Mort: WHAT WAS IT  
  
Alter Ego: One word......chunks  
  
(MORT BARFS, EWWW.......)  
  
Alter ego: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA ( I think u get the point)  
  
Mort: OK......IM GONNA EAT YOU ASS HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alter ego: I'm gonna run now.....  
  
AND THEIR OFF.....RUNNING ACROSS THE DESERT, AS ONE TRIES TO EAT THE OTHER.....OHH....WHAT FUN..... 


	8. brains CAN grow overnight!

Secret Window Chapter 8 Vegas....again.....too pee, or not to pee, that is the question......!  
  
*****REMINDER: Hehehehe, this is funny, FOR UR FO (INFO) I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT MORT AND ALTER EGO ARE ONE PERSON, (MEAING THAT MORT IS TALKING TO HIMSELF) THIS COULD COME IN HANDY FOR FUTURE REFERENCE) LOL********  
  
Mort: (crawlin on the ground) Need......water!!!! Got.......to.......eat.......  
  
Alter Ego: Dude, look, there's the friken city! And for ur FO, we've only been walkin for like a day or too.....so chill out....  
  
Mort: MUST..........EATTTTTTTTTTTT!  
  
Alter Ego: Let me be the first to remind you that we are about to enter a zone where we are "wanted" men, and it will look a little weird seeing a man who talks to himself walk out of the desert.....with vomit all over him.....so lets try to stay on the low down, k? Oh, one more thing....NO PISSIN IN THE BARS!  
  
Mort: (blushing) Come on.....you know we digged it!  
  
Alter Ego: I'm sorry; I don't speak perv......  
  
Mort: What_EVER.....  
  
3 HOURS LATER.........  
  
Mort: Ahh, the city, it has been a long time since I have seen the light!  
  
Alter Ego: As your figment of imagination, I'd like to remind you not to talk to me....for the not so smart people may be scared.....  
  
Mort: Huh? What does figment mean?  
  
Alter Ego: Figment: Imagined thing, a creation of ones own mind.....etc.  
  
Mort: Is it just me, or have you suddenly gotten smarter?  
  
Alter Ego: AS you got dumber, I got smarter......I laugh at you...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Mort: Well, you can kiss my rosy white ass pretty boy!  
  
Alter Ego: It's humanly impossible to kiss your own ass.....but it would be funny to see you try, so I dare you to try to kiss your own ass!  
  
Mort: Hmmm......ok!  
  
FOR THE NEXT HOUR, MORT IS SEEN TRYING TO KISS HIS ASS....YES, THIS SUDDENLY BECAME AN AMUSING THING TO SEE ON THE VEGAS STRIP.......  
  
Alter Ego: 20, 30, 40 dollars, we actually made money off of that....good job! Mort: YOU WERE USING ME!!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: Sit down friend; we need to have one of our heart to heart conversations again. You need to understand that we, as one, are broke, meaning we have NO money. Let that soak in, I know it's hard for you to understand, but we need money to live, and get back home, meaning the place where WE live, do you get it?  
  
Mort: I see, but why do I have to kiss my ass?  
  
Alter Ego: People here seemed to be amused by your stupidity.  
  
Mort: I see, ok, well, back to kissin' our ass....  
  
Alter ego: HOLD IT MISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you just understand something? Wait, hold on, did you, as in YOU, understand, as in get, what I just said?  
  
Mort: Yeah, we need money.......  
  
Alter Ego: THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!!!!!!!! NO! ITS NOT POSSIBLE! BY WHAT MIRACLE HAS THIS HAPPENED?? BY WHAT GRACE AND PEACE HAS DESCENDED UPON THIS HUMBLE MAN??????  
  
Mort: Are you ok?  
  
Alter Ego: NO, are you OK, what are you on? BECAUSE I WANT SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK IM GONNA FAINT! THANK YOU LORD THANK YOU! IS IT POSSIBLE, THAT MAYBE MORT HAD BRAINS, OR MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING IN THE SHIT OR BARF HE ATE, HMMM, WELLL WE SHALL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DECIDE TO GO CLUBBIN, YES, CLUBBIN...... 


	9. hehehehe BARF!

Secret Window Chapter ?, I'm not counting anymore..... Brains, what are they? And how do I get them.....  
  
***oh, I LOVE REVEIWS!!!!!!, just a hint....ya know, just in case you forgot....***  
  
***NOTE TO THE READERS(I ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE THAT!!!!) BUT MOVIN' ON.....DON'T WORRY, MORT WILL NOT LOOSE HIS BELOVED CHARACTER......***  
  
ALTER EGO IS SEEN LYING ON THE FLOOR, AND SEEMS TO BE IN SOME SORT OF A DAZE, HIS HANDS ARE IN HIS PANTS.....WEIRD...  
  
Mort: Jokes on you .....DUMBASS!!!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: I don't understand, I'M the smart one, I got us out of the desert, while YOU were eating barf!  
  
Mort: Oh, that's what that was?  
  
Alter Ego: (continuing) I mean, I have the brains, I write the books, I made the plans!  
  
Mort: NO, that's not entirely true, I wrote the books, and MY brain made YOU! So I have complete power over you! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!  
  
Alter Ego: No, no you don't! I mean, I have to go...bye!  
  
Mort: We are one....***he's lost it***  
  
Alter Ego: THAT'S MY LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Mort: My Bro, I mean friend, let sit on down, I mean....whats goin on! I THINK I'M BECOMIN DUMB AGAIN!!!!!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: Hmmmmm, maybe the barf you ate has something to do with this, maybe it's wearing off, and you are loosing the intelligence I once gave you!!!  
  
Mort: Huh? I lost ya around the time you said, hmmmm...  
  
Alter Ego: YES! YOU'RE STUPID AGAIN!!!!!  
  
Mort: I have to pee!!!!  
  
Alter ego: You needed to inform me why??  
  
Mort: Too late.  
  
Alter Ego: Ew.  
  
Mort: Hehehe  
  
Alter Ego: Ok.....well, stay away from me, and I think we'll be OK!  
  
Mort: Sorry, I have the booger I CAN'T get out! SO you have any pliers or anything? I mean it's really wedged in there!  
  
Alter Ego: Oh, I see, you want me to barf again! Nope, you didn't fool me!  
  
Mort: No! look, it really did have a booger!!!!  
  
Alter Ego: OK, desperate times call for desperate measures.....BaRf! SpEw! UpChUcK! VoM!  
  
Mort: Ew.  
  
Alter Ego: OH YOU AIN'T EATIN THIS SHIT! IT'S MINE! (he eats da barf....)  
  
Mort: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!?!?!  
  
Alter ego: I have to eat my intelligence back.....  
  
Mort: Yah, you think-ed (I can write, but remember, mort is DUMB) I was dumb... 


	10. Chapta 9, the end is rearbut do not fear

Secret Window Chapter 9 The home stretch 1  
  
TO ALL MY FELLOW READERS, ONLY ONE CHAPTER IN THIS STORY REMAINS! BUT DO NOT FEAR, BECAUSE A WHOLE NEW LEGACY OF MORT AND ALTER EGO WILL EVOLVE! (HEHEHE, ALREADY HAVE DA STORY LINE, MWAHAHAHAHA!!!)  
  
A day later (after the whole barfing incident)  
  
Mort: YAWN I am so ready to go home!  
  
Alter Ego: yes, home, a place where we happen to be.....WANTED MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mort: Hello, we can live in the closet!  
  
Alter Ego: No, no, I have a plan, a most wicked plan..MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Mort: Ok dude, startin to freak me out a little with the whole evil plan thing..  
  
Alter Ego: Here, let me put things in prospective for you. Have you ever seen Pinky and the Brain?  
  
Mort: I LOVE THAT SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11  
  
Alter EGO: ( in a kind voice) How would you like it we need what they did?  
  
Mort: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO TAKE OVER THE LAB!?!?!?!?  
  
Alter Ego: With my brains, and you, well, you murder skills, you and me could not only take over a lab, but the whole world!  
  
Later that evening....  
  
Mort: So, what we gonna do tonight Brain?  
  
Alter ego: what we're gonna do very night ....TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!  
  
AND SO STATRS THE NEW SERIES, WHEN OBSESION GOES A LIL TO FAR....STAY TUNED FOR MORT AND ALTER EGO, PINKY AND THE BRAIN 


	11. takin gover the world

TAKING OVER THE WORLD!

CHAPTER 1, FROM CHAPTER W/E.

They had changed their names. They changed their looks. Well, one did, one followed. They where now plotting, plotting their revenge on the world, MWAHAHAHAHAHA…. THEIR BACK !!!

Mort: Ok, this is it. Do you understand the plans??

Alter Ego: Yea, sure..I think I got it.

Mort: No, NO NO! You either GET IT, or you DON'T GET IT DAMN IT!

Alter Ego: Fine fine fine I get it!!

Mort: (Looks suspiciously) Ok, good. One fuck up and you r dead buddy, DE EE AA DE..DEAD.

Alter Ego: Don't shit, I have it!

AND SO THEY WENTT OFF, OFF INTO THE WILDERNESS, SORDA, NEW YORK. NEW YORK CITY IS WHERE THIS JOURNEY BEGINS. LETS HAVE A LOOK SEE SHALL WE?


End file.
